THE WORD

We dreamed about what color hair and eyes Nate would have, what sports he would play, and what he would become when he grew up. No one dreams of Autism.

Autism affects every minute of our lives- how we sleep. what we eat, and how we spend our money. Birthdays and holidays are bittersweet. Vacations are nonexistent. There are NO days off. We have grown thicker skins yet are more compassionate, become advocates but more earth-friendly, and become every physician's nightmare while taking charge of our own heath care.

I started 2008 thinking I desperately needed to *find* more parents that we could "connect" with. Parents of Autistic children that knew EXACTLY what we were going through. Well I have met a lot. I have met quite a few right here in North Columbus. I was so excited. ---Let's just say I think I was barking up the wrong tree. I have met moms that could care less about sharing educational info. I have found moms that are such HUGE advocates for inclusion of children with disabilities that they seem to care less if that is really what is best for the individual child. I have met moms that are SO CONSUMED by Autism that they can't see out. They don't return calls. They don't show up for parties. They are so MISERABLE to be around or talk to that I think I found what I was looking for. I needed a wake up call.

I can't say for sure if Autism has pushed these moms over the edge, never to return. It is possible. Perhaps they were miserable people before all of this. It is hard to tell. I think it takes more than having an Autistic child in common to find that support system I am looking for. First of all, I laugh. Aaron and I laugh all day long--at ourselves, at others, at Neve, and yes, at Nate. We were sarcastic people before Autism and we still can see the humor in life. I hope that never changes.

I realized that I HAD a great group of mom friends that I have had since the day I moved to Ohio--and I just needed to turn back to them. I think I started pushing away since it is so hard to *explain* Nate. I also didn't think they understood all of this. ...and you know what? I know they don't get all of it--but my really close Friend here in Columbus said something to me that really changed my views- she said that she knows she is lucky . She knows that it could have been her baby. That her daughter just got lucky. Her daughter AND son were lucky. It was a simple statement- but I needed to hear it. I guess it just felt good for someone to realize that I did everything "right" and somehow I just got a raw deal-and Nate's number was up.

I ended up finding moms that DO understand Autism. -and it just so happens they are not moms of Autistic children. They are moms that want to learn more about it- and help in any way they can. They understand that I can't do certain things-and they KEEP ASKING and trying to include us. I am forever grateful we have such great friends here in Columbus--I guess I have had them all along. I just had my Autism Mom nose so far up I couldn't see them anymore...

To say that Aaron and I are different people than we were a year ago when our son was diagnosed is a vast understatement. We are undoubtedly more stressed and certainly financially poorer, but more importantly I believe we are better people. We are more open-minded, thoughtful, and unpretentious. Every we delight in the beauty and happiness of our own children and SHARE the joy and accomplishments of our friends' children. Every day we gain strength from Nate, whose love and hugs are the reason we get up every day and do it all over again.

What is Autism to us? Autism is a WORD. It is a word that has opened up the door to educational services that can help our son. It is a WORD that can one day help others understand that we are dealing with an uphill battle everyday of our lives and to maybe cut us some slack. I don't have time for people that are so wrapped up In the WORD that they can't see out. They are offended by calling our children "autistic"- saying that it is a label and does not define who they are as children. Of course it doesn't. I just find that an ignorant argument. It is just a WORD. ..and quite frankly I don't have time to sit around and worry about it.

I am off to ride bikes with my beautiful, bright, funny, loving, athletic, darling, graceful, ornery, nice, naughty, sad, frustrated, charming, happy, excited, & AUTISTIC son, Nate. :)